Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
