i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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