i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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