Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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