new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
