A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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