I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
