i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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