Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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