windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
