Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We need to get me chipped asap
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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