DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
