Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
