Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
