I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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