i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
