i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
