Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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