Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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