You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
