I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
