there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
