I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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