I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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