we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
