I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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