Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
