These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
