He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
