Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
