Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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