2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
