I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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