A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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