i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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