cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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