I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
