Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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