My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
