I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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