Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
