I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
