Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now