Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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