You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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