I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
