i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
