dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
