everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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