I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
