never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
