I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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