Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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