take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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