I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
