i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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