So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
