I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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