shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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