Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
