Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
