If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
