my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
