Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
