Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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