Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize