I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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