he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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