I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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