sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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