I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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